Negativity

Dealing with negativity has been a lifelong exercise. It started when I was in first grade. My way of handling it then was to vomit. That would usually get me out of whatever it was that was causing the negative feelings. It got sympathy and kindness. I wasn’t looking for validation. I was looking for escape. Vomiting worked.

As I got older, the negativity was handled with getting a headache. You can’t go anywhere or do anything if you have a migraine pounding. That worked but was pretty painful escapism.

As I got older, I got a little smarter. Negativity comes in many forms, words, actions, non-actions. If thoughts ventured into the darker tones, I would take that thought and put it on paper. View it from as many angles as possible. I would try to identify the words or actions that caused the negative thoughts and see whether they were valid. I was no longer a helpless victim but a proactive participant in what I allowed in my life.